[MISSION] Of Misgendering and Character Possession

What ever shall Momoka do when her master no longer wandered in fits of "angry mode"?

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The fic cited in this story, titled "Kashuu X Yususada", as well as its series "Touken Ranbu Oneshots", belongs to Kiyoina and they're welcome to keep or do anything they want with it.

The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.

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"Why did Ichimonji Norimune have to come out?" Momoka, again in her Giant Konnosuke disguise, complained. "I don't consider myself a fujoshi, but aren't Kiyomitsu and Yasusada just meant for each other? Why does that annoying old man have to come along and hit on Kiyo? Heck, he even copies the 'old man' shtick from Mikazuki!"

Kaguya, in his same-old Shinsengumi disguise, now with the addition of a ribbon tie for his long hair, quietly listened with an unshakingly stern look on his face, Yususada the mini enemy uchigatana perched atop his head, another mini named Yamato.Yasusada on his shoulder. No reply came but a sudden shout, "🅈🄰🅂🅄🅂🄰🄳🄰 🄸🅂 🄰 🄼🄰🄽, 🄰🅂 🄰🅁🄴 🄰🄻🄻 🅃🄾🅄🄺🄴🄽 🄳🄰🄽🅂🄷🄸! 🄲🄷🄰🅁🄶🄴 🄵🄾🅁 🄴🄸🅃🄷🄴🅁 🄼🄸🅂🄶🄴🄽🄳🄴🅁🄸🄽🄶 🄾🅁 🅄🄽🄰🄽🄽🄾🅄🄽🄲🄴🄳 🄶🄴🄽🄳🄴🅁🄵🄻🄸🄿 🄰🅄!"

That his "angry mode" now induced a different kind of reaction to badfics certainly had its perks. Momoka no longer had to chase after him and make sure he didn't get lost, so she could actually talk to him on a mission, even as he never answered and would only interrupt her twaddlings with shouts in a peculiar audio quality about the fic's failings. However, that also presented a new set of concerns.

Now that he no longer needed physical assistance, Momoka couldn't help the inkling that she had been delegated to no more than a tag-along. She had become practically useless, good for nothing but writing down every word her master said and dragging around their Bag of equipment, passing the time with pointless chatter until something important happened.

She had made it her life's mission to accompany Kaguya even to the eighteenth depth of hell, to help him through whatever life (or narrative laws of comedy) threw their way. What ever shall she do when her master no longer needed her help?

The formless narrator will waffle on no more and return the readers to the story promptly, for at this moment an author's note – (Definetly not a small cut because her (Yasusada's) hand was dripping blood out) – had appeared and painfully landed on Momoka's head. She hissed from the pain; on top of the constantly switching POVs, that was an insult added to injury. The hit brought her back to reality just in time to realize both their target, genderflipped!possessed!Yasusada, and her master had already left.

As if she wasn't useless enough!

She caught up with him thanks to his loudness; near what was supposedly the infirmary, she heard him exclaiming, "𝔖𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔦𝔰 𝔜𝔞𝔰𝔲𝔰𝔞𝔡𝔞 𝔰𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔞 𝔭𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔠 𝔴𝔦𝔪𝔭? Mikazuki has a name, use it, stop calling him 'jiji' all the time! 💢👊👎 Akita 😡💥🔥 doesn't 😠🌀⚡ have 👿🖤🍴 such 👺🦍🐶 a 👽🧁🍩 short 🐷💖⛄ temper 🌈🌂☂️ and 🎀🎁🎗️ would 🎄🎃🧨 never 🎎🎏🎐 try ♠️♥️♦️ to 🔮🧸🎲 hit 🥼👔👕 someone 🚪🛏️🛋️ else 🧽🧷💊 like 🧚‍♂️🧚‍♀️🧝‍♂️ that!"

Just like that, he noticed all the good stuff before she could. Momoka had nothing to do but to diligently write down everything he said.

It only took the appearance of Kōsetsu literally out of thin air and the spawning of Kousestu the mini enemy tachi for Kaguya to decide enough was enough. He pulled out the attendant music CD case from the Bag, then stormed into the room and started beating it over Yasusada's head.

"I call on DMM, I call on Nitroplus, please grant me strength! Evil spirit, terrorize TouRabu canon no more, kyū-kyū-nyo-ritsu-ryō*!" he cried. After he was done smacking possessed!Yasusada, the fic wraith rose out of the latter's unconscious body in an intangible, smoke-like mass. Kaguya continued, "Spirit of the badfic, you are charged with possessing Yamatonokami Yasusada, turning him into a girl for no reason and not warning the reader about it, which is made worse by the fact that all TouRabu swords manifest as male; turning him into a pathetic wimpy Stu; refusing to refer to Mikazuki Munechika by name for no reason; turning Akita Tōshirō into a jerk; creating a jerkish saniwa who hates Kashū Kiyomitsu for no reason; way too constant POV switches; wanton cruelty to language; borderline incomprehensible narrative; creating minis. You are sentenced to purification from the canon you're inflicting your influence upon!"

It took a second for Momoka to get the cue, and after some fumbling, she produced a knife which she then stuck into the foggy mass, dissolving the wraith instantly.

Her master still stood in place, and she took it to mean neuralyzing would fall to her also. Still, she remained unrelieved; she delivered the killing blow, she worked the neuralyzer, but the truth stood: the mission had little to no contribution from her.

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"Come now, no need to be so down," Kaguya said to her in the gentlest, sweetest tone. "You're not useless. You killed the wraith and neuralyzed the canons, didn't you? Besides, missions just won't be the same without you. Even if you no longer need to assist me physically, you're there to keep me company, and that's all that matters. Not only that, you choose disguises, write down charges and carry equipments, that's more help than I can ever ask for."

"But it is still Kaguya-sama who spots the charges and reads them. You still do much more than me. I'm your servant, I'm supposed to do heavier work, and yet…"

Kaguya responded with a smile and a chuckle. "If you insist, how about you help me fix my hair? I spent so much time combing it in the morning, and hopping through portals messed it all up."

Of course, Momoka agreed without thinking twice. All was well in the world again…

… until Kaguya opened his makeup table drawer to find his comb. "That's weird, I left it here this morning. Where can it be?" he said, rummaging through the drawer. Somehow, his arms kept going deeper and deeper until eventually he tumbled right into it, his entire body seemingly swallowed by the drawer.

"Kaguya-sama!" Momoka screamed.

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Minis (all up for adoption):

• Yususada

• Yamato.Yasusada

• Kousestu

* 急急如律令 'hastily, hastily in accordance with the laws'. In Japan, this phrase is often associated with onmyōdō and other forms of Eastern occultism, especially exorcism of evil spirits.