[MISSION] Of Jerk Stus and Uncanonical Species

The Formless Narrator
Nov 12, 2022
11 min read

Against yet another overpowered and unlikable Gary Stu, Inasuke adventures with a different partner. Set before Halloween and shortly after Of Extra Dorms…

Warning for in-fic swearing.

The fic, titled "His Highness", belongs to RocketStyx and they're welcome to keep or do anything they want with it.

The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.

King? Not for me.

M/n buried his head into his hands, slowly opening his finger to peek out. He groaned as his eyes landed on a large stack of papers sitting on his desk. One of his hands seemed to glow with how pale it was against the dark, stained wood of the desk. And the other almost blended in, as dark as the nights' sky. Tapping his fingers against the solid wood, M/n bit the inside of his cheek, glancing around. Upon finding nothing, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Well", he muttered, "I might as well study history again. Father said he was going to test me today."

"Okay, not even a minute into the fic and the Stu's already invented a dumb uncanonical species," Inasuke complained in a hushed tone so as not to be heard by M/n the Stu, who was studying from a book solely detailing his glittery species. "Sempai, may I ask what Shishu means, and why the Stu's species is named that?"

"This species seems to just be a combination of fairy, beastfolk and merfolk, and is overpowered to boot. No wonder the CAD gave up on us early," Momoka whispered back while the Word World blared the book's content in the two's ears.

Inasuke knew what to do. "Whatever this fellow is, he better not get too close to Grim or Vil. I'll gut him good if he does."

Momoka more than agreed. "Oh, he's gone the second he gets anywhere close to a canon character at all."

On his ever glorious quest to find a Vil mini, Inasuke was assigned yet another mission into the world of Disney Villains-based pretty boys. The absurdly tall, tailed, feline, deer-antlered, reptile-scaled, multicolour-skinned Stu was even more unlikable than the Elsa-based Stu he took on with Urato – also an entitled royal thinking he was special, also an overpowered creature of massive mind-bogglement, but his being reeked of a "holier-and-emoer-than-thou" stench in and out – yet, Inasuke wasn't as bothered. The reason was quite simple.

"Missioning with Shigisawa-sempai is so much fun," he said even after the two almost shot steam out their ears listening to the fic's blathering about the speshul attributes of the "Shishu" race. "Now that we play the same game, we have plenty of things to chat about. As long as I'm with you, no Sues can ever stop me."

The conversation was quickly interrupted when the fic exposited about the h̶o̶r̶n̶e̶d̶ antlered Stu's improved hearing and elf-like ears (please note, gentle readers, of the distinct lack of such creatures as elves in Twisted Wonderland). That coupled with the Stu's whining about being the crown prince prompted the agents to simultaneously interject, "Stop trying to be Malleus!"

"Is that so? It's great that you have fun," Momoka replied to Inasuke's earlier words, smiling beamingly even as the Stu's griping about how he hated the responsibility. The expectations. Etiquette classes. Dancing lessons. His family trying to set him up with a bride and how the royal family was so wealthy, but there were beggars in the streets droned in their ears. "I hope we can keep working together from now on."

The moment sadly was not as heartwarming as it could've been. A scene change placed the agents right outside a room crowded with Shishu nobles, where the Stu's king father informed the Stu that he was born from a different mother than his younger twin brother (please refrain from asking, gentle readers, how that's biologically possible) and thus would be removed from the throne succession line. That coupled with the Stu's cat-like beastfolk traits got the agents to cry again, "Stop trying to be Leona!"

Night Raven College

The Mirror Chamber seemed a tad off that day. Upon being called the Mirror Hall by the fic, it could not decide whether it was the Mirror Chamber – a meeting/ceremonial hall, housing the Dark Mirror – or the Hall of Mirrors – an intra-campus transportation hub; thus, its interior constantly flickered between those of the two different and separate locations. Nevertheless, the room was packed to the brim with students in ceremonial dress attending the entrance ceremony in the game's prologue. Among the crowd, a 145cm boy with free-flowing brown hair and a 165cm boy with white hair in short twin pigtails stood, working all their willpower to keep their annoyance in check.

The brown-haired one was slightly more annoyed – Mirror Hall the mini-Overblotting Grim clung to the top of his hood, while he was in search for a mini of Vil.

The two would soon be in for a lot more annoyance. Right then the Stu's carriage arrived, and Crowley tried to call the Stu out of his coffin.

The coffin lid cracked open slightly, enough for Crowley to see an eye. He shivered, the eyes of the Shishu had always creeped him out. "Too tired, come back when I give a fuck," murmured M/n before he closed the lid of the coffin. One of the Savanaclaw students choked on his laughter.

Inasuke clenched his fists to the point of shaking.

"Oh, come on, you have to come out sooner or later", Crowley coaxed. "I choose later." "Come on, don't be lazy."

Momoka broke her pencil in half.

"Gosh, what part of this is funny?" she said, restraining herself from killing the Stu right then and there. "Who on earth do you think you are? What gives you the right to disrespect school staff like this? The headmaster no less! Why does everyone tolerate this? Why isn't this guy expelled on the spot?"

"I don't get it, why does he hate Crowley? He hasn't studied a single day at the school yet," Inasuke added, briefly looking up at the Words ahead. "Besides, not even the unruliest, most flippant canon students sass their teachers like this, least of all the headmaster; I agree, the Stu should be expelled."

After an annoying scene came an even more annoying scene. The Stu started to murmur something from under the lid, causing everyone else except Crowley to back away in fear. The poor headmaster was promptly hit by the Stu's coffin lid as it swung open and was sent flying across the room.

Other students were smiling shyly at the Stu, but the agents were having none of it. "Wh-what an insolent jerk!" Inasuke said. "You whine about beggars in the streets one moment and turn around to assault and humiliate an innocent man running his school the next? Maybe that's why you have no friends and you're not allowed to be the crown prince, not your species, your parentage, your status or your infertility!"

"Crowley is far from perfect, but he doesn't deserve to be hit flying across the room and publicly humiliated!" Momoka said. "He may be an eccentric man, but he runs a world-renowned prestigious academy well enough, he cares about his students, and he most importantly gives shelter to a complete stranger trapped in another world, who would be homeless and dying otherwise! He's a miles better person than you can ever hope to be!"

"If I were to list out all the reasons why Crowley is an awesome character, we'd be here all day. In short, a huge charge it is; wait, make it two charges: disrespecting faculty and character-bashing. Sempai, do you need a new pencil?"

When Inasuke came to a realization, it was too late: he wasn't as upset as just moments before. Indeed, whinging about the fic's horror and praising a canon character together with his beloved sempai was such potent catharsis that the sequence that followed – the Stu making his way to the Dark Mirror looking more smug than logically possible while Crowley had a rather uncharacteristic hissy fit – didn't bother him. After Momoka accepted a pencil from Inasuke, the two grinned at each other, as though they were anywhere but inside an aggravating badfic.

That was, until the Dark Mirror deemed the Stu unsortable and the Stu demanded to be put in Ramshackle Dorm with the canonical player character, the reason being "But I don't fit the mold of any of the dorms, so wouldn't the misfit dorm be the right place for me?". "We get it, you're special!" Inasuke cried before Momoka portalled him and her out of the chapter.

Wtf is an Overblot?

Birds twittered atop heart-shaped topiaries, butterflies fluttered over painted roses, Mirror Hall played with new friend Leonas' amongst cleanly trimmed hedgerows. Somewhere inside Heartslabyul dorm's rose maze, the agents took the time to relax, even as Momoka's notebook bore writing whose penmanship grew increasingly angrier: making Leona OOC and brainwashing him into liking the Stu, being head of Ramshackle Dorm. Goodness me, you're not special, and Crowley, the Dark Mirror, the Prefect and other students aren't obligated to treat you as such because of your dumb species and your dumb status!

"Wow, doesn't sempai look cool or what! This outfit really fits you," Inasuke gushed, marvelling at Momoka's Octavinelle dorm dress. "The suit, the scarf, the hat; it's like this outfit was designed with you in mind! Now I understand why the DORKS sort you into that dorm!"

"But your dorm dress looks really good on you too," Momoka said, observing Inasuke's Heartslabyul dorm dress. Unlike the proper, unaltered state her outfit was in, his had a smattering of touches: a pair of lace-up boots to tuck his white trousers into, a white mandarin-collar shirt underneath the red waistcoat and white, patterned jacket, and finally a white rabbit pin in his brown hair. "You look adorable; I can't imagine you in any other dorm's outfit."

Inasuke giggled at her remarks. Once the two were done tittering about one another's dorm dress, the conversation naturally drifted back to the badfic and the Stu. "I think the Stu is trying to be a flawed character with some sort of troubled background like canon characters, which he of course fails at," Momoka said. "The canons are nowhere near as big of a jerk as him, and their more jerkish actions are treated as genuine problems that they must overcome, not 'cool' qualities that everyone around blushes at. They have to learn to be less jerkish, to not use their past as an excuse to hurt others, and to be good friends. It's almost like the Stu is…"

"… missing the moral of the story," the two finished in coincidental unison.

They briefly stared at each other in surprise.

"How does sempai know exactly what I'm thinking? Badfics that miss the morals of canon are the worst," Inasuke said after the awkward silence. "Besides, what with his being so overpowered while the game teaches that all powers have drawbacks? I hope the Stu overblots to death."

"Inasuke-kun, letting Sues overblot is not allowed as an execution method," Momoka said. "It's too destructive and takes too long to kill the target. Besides, death by overblot leaves behind a phantom; who knows what damage a Suvian phantom causes."

The second she finished, something was amiss. Their surroundings grew dark, strong wind started howling and blew Momoka's fedora off her head as though a storm was nigh. Everything seemed drained of all colours: green leaves, white roses painted red, all turned various shades of grey. The minis ceased playing; instead they clung to the agents' ankles, shivering audibly.

The agents had an inkling of what was transpiring. "Speaking of overblot," Inasuke said, and the two rushed to the exit nearby, minis in tow.

M/n appeared in front of the monster, anger still clearly evident on his face. The Overblot let out a growl. M/n stopped in front of it, his temper seeming to be at its limit. His hands glowed a vibrant purple, the color climbing up until it engulfed his entire arm. "You will NOT growl at me. You will NOT cause any more damage. You WILL calm the FUCK DOWN. And most importantly, YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY FUCKING DORMMATES!!" He reared back his arm and brought it forward with vicious strength, nailing the Overblot in the face. The monster screeched before seeming to explode in a black cloud. M/ns' eyes glowed slightly before his expression faded into one of almost complete calm. He sighed, "That was the most efficient rage release I've ever had, not going to lie."

"This makes him the second Suvian stealing Trey's spotlight in this arc we've seen. Besides, we all know you're just looking to viciously beat up canon characters you don't like," he muttered at the sight, and Momoka portalled both out of the chapter to save their brains from detonating out of sheer disgust.

Meetings... yay

Three more mini-Overblotting Grims – Ramshackles dorm, Yuus' and Grims' – had joined the adventuring party, merrily dancing around the agents' feet alongside Mirror Hall and Leonas'. Of the host of five minis, only one was of a student and none was of Vil – much to Inasuke's dismay.

The agents soon had greater problems to contend themselves with. The dorm head meeting scene at the beginning of Savanaclaw arc was without a hitch until along came an expected guest.

"Crowley", M/n started, backing away from the door, "Open the door or I'm breaking it down." […] Crowley was visibly nervous (read; guilty). "Ahaha, yes, well, I wasn't sure if Ramshackle dorms would want to even attend the meeting, considering it's about a sport they can't participate in." "Even so, I would like to hear what this is about. But I do care about what happens at this school because it affects me and my dormmates. So do you consider my opinion unimportant, headmage? Do you not care what I have to say? My, my, that is most upsetting." M/n hummed to himself. God, he loved being vaguely threatening. Crowley looked like he was about to scream in fear. Good. From his perspective, he was being towered over by a 7'2 (218 cm) royal with dangerous intent in his eyes. He was afraid of M/n. As he should be.

The meeting was instantly interrupted by an unknown Heartslabyul student and an unknown Octavinelle student followed by a gaggle of small, plush-like creatures. "Stop it right there, you deplorable jerk!" Inasuke cried, newly spawned Ramshackle dorms atop his shoulder. "Why is it that the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm has to prove themself worthy of that title, face challenges and undertake duties, while you get to browbeat the headmaster into letting you get your way? Why is it that Kalim, Leona, Malleus have to study, follow rules and respect authority like everyone else, yet you get to insult faculty in front of a school gathering? Why is it that other students have to learn to be better people, yet you get to act bratty to anyone you don't like?"

"What on earth has Headmaster Crowley done to you to warrant your treatment of him?" Momoka added. "While you're whining about beggars, he's sheltering a homeless, magicless person stranded from another universe! Besides, don't think I'll ever forgive you for brainwashing Leona! Oh, I think I understand why you're not sorted into any regular dorm; that's because no student would be able to tolerate you!"

"M/n, otherwise known as Gary Stu, you're under arrest by the Protectors of the Plot Continuum for crimes against fanfiction and Twisted Wonderland canon," Inasuke went on to announce amidst the dumbfounded stares of the canons and the Stu. "Charges against you include creating an uncanonical species whose traits are ripped off from beastfolk, fairy and merfolk; giving said species a nonsensical name; being disgustingly overpowered; being rude, disrespectful and violent to a faculty member and never facing consequences…"

"… demanding special treatment; character-bashing Dire Crowley," Momoka continued. "Being the head of Ramshackle Dorm for no reason; being a rip-off of Malleus and Leona but devoid of their likable qualities; brainwashing other students into liking you and your insufferable attitude; rudely intruding on canonical story and stealing Trey's spotlight in the climax of Heartslabyul arc…"

"… and all-around being a downright infuriating Gary Stu," both finished, once again in coincidental unison.

As for the Stu, Inasuke simply portalled him into the molten copper near the end of Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame before all memories of him were neuralyzed from the canons.

The agents both landed in RC 🤘, in Inasuke's room full of hand-sewn plushes and cute merchandise, but he didn't mind. Momoka could be stuck with him for eternity and he wouldn't have minded; thus, as the two swam in plushes and delightfully laughed, Inasuke told her, "It was the best mission I've ever had."

He found no Vil mini, but he was happier than ever before.

Minis (all up for adoption):

Mirror Hall
Leonas'
Ramshackles dorm
Yuus'
Grims'
Ramshackle dorms