[MISSION] Of Girls' Days Out and Ludicrous Gary Stus (pt. 2)

In which Ninja Stu's antics keep getting worse.

Warning for swearing.

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The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.

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Ruler Propecy

Jason Rothham, youve been chosen by the God of Destiny to become King of the Ninjas. As child of the gods you have great power of the universe in you. You must take this great sword of Date Masamune and srop the propecy and fight evil and become the greatest ruler forever.

After a scant of seconds of suspension in a black void, surrounded by an echoing disembodied voice ("I don't know this continuum, but I'm pretty sure I can still charge for misspelling 'prophecy', right?" asked Luxury), the agents were dropped off in Octavinelle dorm's lounge. Canon had reasserted itself somewhat when the Stu was away, returning some of the dorm's look. An air of class and sleekness, tasteful combinations of soft colours and sea-themed décor, though still beige-tinted; Momoka forgot she was supposed to be annoyed from watching the Stu's antics and the ridiculous prophecy. The agents, once again in dorm dress, relaxed on a sofa while Generic Octa Students loitered about.

Octavinelle Dorm - Lounge

"There are seven dorms, representing seven Disney movies. The one we're in is based on The Little Mermaid," Momoka started up her lesson again while slowly shifting away from Luxury and her attempts to peel off her coat. "Azul, the guy the Stu punched in the face, is the head of this dorm and he's based on the main villain Ursula."

"Ah, now I understand why this dorm is so sexy," Luxury said. "You see, Ursula is the hottest Disney villain of all time. Even if she isn't pretty by conventional standards, the woman just exudes eroticism every time she opens her mouth. The voice! The movements! The bombastic personality! The tentacles! For being in a kids' movie, she sure makes me hot and bothered!"

Momoka could only reply with a weak, "Is that so?" and a nervous laugh.

Luxury, sensing Momoka's awkwardness, continued, blue eyes staring into pink, "Momie dear, if you think my tastes are peculiar, I'll have you know that there used to be legions of lusters for Frollo from Hunchback of Notre Dame. Compared to that, drooling over Ursula is tame. That reminds me, is it getting hot in here?" She hooked a finger into her collar, not forgetting to wink mischievously for added effect.

"If you are hot, you can feel free to bathe in the water outside." Momoka answered.

Just in time to remind the agents they were still in a badfic, the Stu had to show up in octa house and take away everyone's nice textures and décor again.

Some guy with the ugly Rock Lee hair but blond, Roock Hank I believe, dragged his ass to me. Heh, no wonder he has Rock Lee hair, Rock Lee, Rock Hank. He said "u asshole u cant do this, you must leave right now" "Listen up loser" I said "Im the chosen one and I deserve respect. Without me youll be ded and this school go to shit. Im saving u from the great doom propecy. Be I bet you dont even have a girlfriend."

[Rook Hunt (CV: Itokawa Yōjirō. I can't believe this is his only game role to date; come on, step it up, casting agencies!). Canon, male human, magic user. OOC level: 58.6%, but can't blame him for being pissed off at this overpowered, arrogant piece of excrement]

Luxury was at a loss for words; she knew not what to make of the sight of Rook dragging his detached buttocks across the floor with a rope. Next to her, Momoka was on the verge of shooting steam out her ears; not only was Rook's trademark bob turned into an unfashionable bowl cut, there now existed two mini-Overblots, Roock Hank and Rock Hank, each gnawing on one of Momoka's pigtails, letting out tiny distorted cries of beauté!

"For crying out loud, you're in an all-boy boarding school! Who the heck cares if you can't get a girlfriend? Besides, what on earth is Rook doing here? He's in Pomefiore! Another dorm entirely! You don't call somebody from freaking Pomefiore ugly, you jerk!" Momoka complained while the Stu continued to insult Rook as immaturely as possible, deriding him as scrawny wimp-ass too chicken to fist fight with me despite the latter's canonically being a capable hunter. "Ugh, there are too many things wrong with this! If Rook were in-character, this jerk would've gotten an arrow through his ear canals!"

"Your not wearing uniform!" "Fuck uniforms, I wear what I like"

Unaware of the horrified reaction two certain Octa students were giving him, the Stu demanded everyone's attention and started giving a speech about how the principal (rather than the headmage or headmaster) begged for his presence at the shitty school for fucking wimps, how the world was prophesied to be utterly wrecked without him, and how the age of wizards is over, its the era of ninjas. He then produced the holy sword of Date Masamune that glowed with Stufluence Aura of Smooth the might of fire and the spirit of lightning that had all generics in the room in awe.

"As a Touken Ranbu fan as well as a Twisted Wonderland fan, I'll make mashed potato of you for this," Momoka said, rage barely contained. Suffice to say that if she was a magic user in the canon's setting, she would have overblotted then and there.

"Hey, cute minis you've got there. Are they minis?" Luxury said, trying to defuse the situation. A poke to Rock Hank's cheek caused the round, plush-like mini to bounce adorably and cry merci beaucoup, monsieur! "And they speak French too! If these aren't the most charming minis I've ever seen! I wonder if there'll be more…"

Stupid fuker Azull showed up again so I punched his stupid face again.

"Ms Luxury! Please wake up!" Momoka cried, shaking Luxury vigorously in hopes of snapping her out of a laughing lust-fueled trance – Azull the mini-Overblot was latching to her face, tentacles and all.

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Road To Ninja

"But, but the intel report never said anything about a crossover or an AU," Momoka stuttered, eyes wide, expression blank. "Where are we?"

The backstory chapter opened on a rather hilarious sight of two teenage boys in black tie suits in the middle of a town whose aesthetics seemed to be a blend of Naruto and Bleach. The Rook-based minis simultaneously cried oh là là! at the unexpected development. After a moment of fumbling and shielding their faces from generic passers-by, the girls changed into a more appropriate disguise: back into their female bodies and dressed in the most generic kimono they could find.

"Unlabelled crossover or AU. It's one of those fics again," Luxury commented once they'd calmed somewhat. "In which the Suvian just throws together bits and pieces of anything and everything they like without regards to whether or not they work, and not warning the readers about it."

"This is reminding me way too much of an Onmyōji badfic I missioned. There's not a trace of canon here. There aren't even ninjas in Twisted Wonderland," Momoka complained. "Besides, the way the Stu treats others is reminding me of a much worse Touken Ranbu fic, the one Urato-kun and Inasuke-kun came from. The only thing missing is people calling the Stu a tsundere and secretly in love with the people he's beaten up. Reminding me of two god-awful fics, is this thing trying to make me insane?"

Luxury sighed – then gasped. A gander at the Words told her danger was on its way. "The Stu is coming, quick!" she said, and pulled Momoka with her around the street corner.

Today sensei Rokuyi called me over because he had an important announcement.

As the undescribed non-canonical sensei appeared in the middle of the street and once again reiterated the "propecy" that the agents and the formless narrator were sick of hearing, Luxury started, "Looks like this fic took the 'transformative work' doctrine too far; I'm not a fan of the game but I can see how far from canon this gets. Of course, you shouldn't copy the canon, but it should still bear resemblances to that canon, so people can recognize it as a fic for that work. That's common sense in fan-work creation."

The Rook-based minis cheerily bounced up and down on Momoka's shoulders.

"But of course, if all fan works knew this, we wouldn't be here, wouldn't we?" Momoka quipped while the sensei bestowed the sword of speshul upon the Stu.

"Yeah, in a way, I gotta thank all the badfics. Without them, I wouldn't have met this cute, succulent little peach," Luxury said while the Stu, now crowned Ninja King, declared his intention to beat all evil and make everyone bow to me. Smiling ear to ear, she pulled Momoka into a hug, much to her dismay.

"I think we should perhaps skip this chapter. We've witnessed enough," Momoka said.

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First Battle

Classroom

"All right, that is it! Jason the Stu, you're under arrest!" cried a certain someone seemingly an Octa student with white pigtails, but the Stu clearly wasn't in the mood to listen. Having split in two and grown giant, he was destroying the classroom without remorse. Colossal feet stomped the floor, leaving holes and turning desks and benches into wood chips; large fists drove through windows and walls, puncturing the brick and sending glass flying.

"Momie! Leave charging for later! We have to run!" called an Octa student with long blond hair. Both fled the room just in time, seconds before large chunks of the ceiling fell and blocked the door.

The chapter started out not quite as chaotic. The Stu was taking his first lesson, unknowing of the watchful eyes of the agents sitting many rows behind him. His blathering first-person narration, expectedly, betrayed complete contempt for whatever was being taught – rather like Leona, only much less likable. In a baffling development, the teacher – never specified which, just the teacher – suddenly turned into a monster, at which point the Stu decided its time to fulfil my destiny.

With my sword full of the energy of fire and lightning, I become two warriors. The Warrior of Fire and the Warrior of Lightning. Both are incredibly huge, have super strong mussels and have immense power that can knock down a mountain.

"Self-cloning is unique to Cater, you imbecile…" Momoka just managed to exclaim before debris started to fall and other students fled the classroom screaming. "… and don't tell me you stole it from Cater; stealing magic is unique to Azul!" she added, thus drawing to herself and Luxury the attention of the two giants with bodies made out of bivalve molluscs.

Exterior Hallway

"Wait," said a panting Momoka when the two stopped for breath, having made sure the Stu wasn't near. The three minis tried to hide in their blazers, shivering all the while. "How are we going to kill the Stu if he's this powerful, and we can't use magic?"

Luxury's face froze at the horrible realization. "Oh great, we haven't thought of this. What are we gonna do now?"

Right then, the ground quaked and the agents fell to the hallway floor. Out in the schoolyard, the Stu's two forms had wrecked much of the buildings when they spotted the agents, and so they headed straight for where they stood. The agents weren't given enough time to run; the Stu pulled yet another trick up his sleeve.

With their eyes, the Stu forms started shooting beams, indiscriminately burning craters on the yard and knocking down towers. The hallway collapsed behind and in front of the agents, the Stu forms were approaching; the agents couldn't do much more than clutch each other tightly and scream…

Then the Stu's powers grew even more ludicrous. His eye beams began tearing holes in the air, leaving portal-like openings anywhere they were fired at. A beam just managing to miss the agents opened one such portal right next to them. Without a speck of hesitation, they jumped right into the portal, not caring where it would take them.

(to be continued)