While the boys have their day out, Momoka has her own adventure into the same continuum with an unexpected partner.
Even as the badfic is constructed, warning for over-the-top violence.
The fic, titled "Teh Ninja King", was constructed by the writer of this blog and doesn't actually exist; any resemblance to real, specific badfics or other content, including screen names, is purely coincidental.
The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.
The Arrival
Jukebox jazz music mingled with the aroma of freshly roasted coffee, colourful sea scenery behind large glass windows was accentuated by the gentle glow from jellyfish-shaped lights. After-school business in Octavinelle dorm's prided little café carried on as usual: the dorm's students in their heart-stoppingly dapper dorm dress uniform zipped about, serving extravagantly dressed foods and drinks to other students relaxing after a day's studies on Mostro Lounge's glossy leather sofas and couches.
Or so it seemed on the surface. Unnoticed by the canons and generic background characters present, something decidedly unlike usual was happening.
"Momie, are you sure this is a Disney continuum?" said someone appearing to be an Octavinelle student lounging upon an empty sofa, long blond hair draped all over his shoulders, cream-coated strawberries delivered messily into his mouth one by one. His uniform was on with a sloppiness that even Floyd Leech would find unacceptable: bowtie not tied, cummerbund and hat missing, overcoat and scarf strewn on the floor, shirt open down to the third button – as though he was not used to wearing such clothes. "You try telling me this isn't the most sensual place in the multiverse! Leather sofas, black tie suits, jazz music, top-notch cuisine; forget the Room One Can't Leave Without* Doing Whatever the Heck It Feels Like Making One Do, this is what I've been looking for!"
"Ms Luxury, please stop eating food meant for guests," replied another Octa student, a young man with fluffy white hair in short twin pigtails and an outfit as properly worn as it could be, hat, cummerbund and all. He was minding his work as a waiter much more than the strawberry-devouring student, a tray of strawberry-aloe parfait and sea salt caramel affogato in one hand, a tray of pasta al limone and salmon tossed with spinach and blueberries in another.
At this, the formless narrator shall info-dump. Of course, a PPC agent working in Twisted Wonderland-verse could and often would disguise as an NRC student, but thanks to divine intervention from narrative forces, they could not choose which dorm they would be in. The console's disguise generator would then function as a Dark Mirror – sorting the agent into one it thought fitted them. Normally this would be a hassle, but on this particular mission Shigisawa Momoka reluctantly undertook with Luxury, it helped the former keep her sanity somewhat.
Right, I'm in my favourite dorm, thought the white-pigtailed student whom we now know was Momoka in disguise. The entire day had been especially hectic for her – she was returning from her snack run when she suggestively bumped into a certain blonde DBS agent, who informed her she was looking for a fabled Room One Can't Leave Without Doing Whatever the Heck It Feels Like Making One Do, Like Shortening Its Own Name for the Benefit of Formless Narrators Everywhere Perhaps somewhere within the HQ. Momoka, with Luxury clinging to her like a kitten, then made it to RC 381 only to find that none of the three male Demonly Kings was there. Just to round out the parade of chaos, a Twisted Wonderland Stufic was sent to the RC's console. That she was sorted into Octavinelle was the first piece of good news Momoka had for the day; getting to physically be in Mostro Lounge and wear the coolest dorm dress uniform in the entire game was the only thing keeping her from going crazy entirely.
However, missions were missions. Something was bound to come along and sour Momoka's mood.
Twisted Wonderland makes no sense. In fact its stupid and ofends me. This is how I became the Ninja King and make it better.
"Oh, here we go," Luxury stopped eating and said as the grating first-person rang in her head. "A Sue or Stu, in their irrational hatred for a certain canon, sets out to ruin it with pure speshul shining out of their rear in the name of 'improving' the continuum. I know this type."
"Well, at least he won't be going around seducing canon characters, being male and all," Momoka said, sitting down next to Luxury. With adept hands and a maidservant's predisposition to helpfulness, she began fixing Luxury's get-up, buttoning up the purple shirt and fastening the bow tie. She wondered where the cummerbund was, as she considered Octa dorm dress incomplete without it, but this was enough for the moment.
"You clearly haven't seen what we in Bad Slash have to deal with. Now will you please tighten the tie a bit more?" Luxury said, blue eyes now half-closed and cheeks just a faint shade of pink.
"I'm sorry, but this is a public place," Momoka said.
So I walk into the coffee shop and I ordered some coffee. Man they were slow. Some geeky asshole wearing geeky glasses n white hair came up n said "can I take your order". He's so stupid so I punched him in the face.
As soon as the barely described Stu marched into view, the sofa vanished under the agents, making them land butt-first on the hard floor. Both were flabbergasted; Mostro Lounge had disappeared, and in its place was a generic coffee shop setting all tinged in shades of beige.
Luxury let out a noise that was half a wince, half a moan. Thanks to the fall, she just accidentally sat on something hard and hot – the quickly overheating CAD, disguised as Octavinelle magical pen. In its grayish magical stone, a result was displayed: [Azul Ashengrotto (CV: Tamaru Atsushi**). Canon, male merperson, magic user. OOC level: What on earth has poor smol octopus ever done wrong? Well, outside of taking away other students' powers in oppressive contracts and enslaving those who failed the deal, that is]
"Gosh, what a jerk!" Momoka exclaimed while the Stu named Jason Rothham continued to act demanding and shout at everyone until all generic people in the shop – not at all dressed like NRC students – shivered and cowered in fear. "I take back my words! He just punched Azul in the face for no reason! Male or female, I don't allow Sues to mess with my favourite characters!"
"This is gonna be a wild ride, isn't it?" Luxury said.
Ninja King
As the Stu had messed up the appearance of Octa dorm completely, it was quite a miracle that the agents could even find its mirror and leave for the main campus. Now DORKSed into their dorm's school uniform with the grey-and-lavender colour scheme, the two hung around in the courtyard, taking sweet time to collect themselves. Luxury was intrigued (read: turned on) by her new outfit, so Momoka ended up teaching her a fair bit about the canon.
"The school uniform is worn during school hours, and you change into dorm dress when you're back in your dorm after school," Momoka explained as she performed a mini fashion show, changing from one dashing outfit to another with her disguised RA as she talked as though really casting magic. "There's also a sports uniform for flying class and other sports activities, a lab uniform for potion and alchemy classes, and a ceremonial dress uniform for special occasions. There are even matching suits for birthdays and other events."
"Wow, are you sure this game isn't really called Uniform Fetish Wonderland?" Luxury asked, eyes short of sparkling, fingers twiddling the arm ribbon on her blazer. "For a high school, there's so many to choose from and everything is so excellently designed! If I were a guy, I'd totally retire here and enroll into this school!"
Inwardly, Momoka corrected Luxury on the grounds that she'd also need to be a magic user, her behaviour as it was would see her get in trouble within days even if she did become a student, and even if for some miraculous reason the teachers had no gripes with her, she'd be the target of Momoka's eternal scorn if she dared make moves on canon characters. Outwardly, she grinned, awkwardly watching her temporary partner in a lustful trance.
A grotesquely loud noise came, followed by the ground's shaking as if in an earthquake. The agents were toppled to the walkway – which turned featureless and beige in seconds. Sure enough, the courtyard too lost its canonical appearance; flagstone walkway, well-maintained lawn, wrought-iron benches, trees full of ripe apples, the well in the middle, none remained. Once again, all left in the Stufluence's wake was ugly blocks and planes.
I walked into the yard and everybody fear me like they shold. Anyone getting in my way, I punched in the face. Another idiot bumped into me so I kicked him. Tch, what disrespect. Back in my place, this behavior will never be accepted. Why am I stuck in this school full with idiots? Don't they know I'm the chosen one and the hero who will be the Ninja King and save the world from a proprcy?
Luxury's mouth was agape through the entire spectacle, while Momoka was shaking in fury. This Gary Stu is dead, and fast.
(to be continued)
* ○○しないと出れない部屋 'Room One Can't Leave Without Doing X', popular and memetic crackfic premise with roots in shindanmaker prompt generator site.
** This game is low on bragging about its cast to the point of not crediting voice actors in-game. This bit is here to help readers remember.