[MISSION] Of Fluffy Rodents and Culinary Arts (pt. 1)

Set between Urato and Inasuke's first mission and the Strawberry Shortcake mission.

Warning for in-fic objectionable content: zoophilia, romanticizing a serious health condition, domestic abuse, incest. The writer of this post does not endorse the contents and views put forth by the work of fiction being parodied in it.

---

The fic, titled "The Little Human Rat", belongs to LoverOfAnime1 and they're welcome to keep or do whatever they want with it. Ratatouille (the film, not the dish) belongs to Disney and Pixar Animation Studios.

The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.

---

Based from the plot of Disney's The Little Mermaid comes the love story of a human teenage girl named Kelly, who falls in love with Chef Remy after a small shipwreck in the Seine River. Now with help from a kind goddess, can our heroine and Remy be together before the 3rd sunset or will neither of them ever have the perfect happily ever after in Paris?

Such was Paris, or what tourism agencies wanted one to believe about it: accordion music, elegant streets of old-fashioned brick buildings, River Seine and the Eiffel Tower, fashion boutiques and classy cafés, world-renowned cuisine and pastries, ample evidence as to why it was one of the most popular tourist destination the world over.

None of which our agents were getting on this mission.

The fic, a Ratatouille one-shot based from the plot of the Little Mermaid, plus a cameo plot from Cinderella, was not that inept at description, strictly speaking, but just to mess with Urato and Inasuke, the Word World rendered the setting with textures too few, polygons fewer, physics engine nonexistent. Instead of breathtaking Paris as portrayed in the Pixar film, the agents had to content themselves with grey streets, beige blocks for buildings and a tall prism meant to be Eiffel Tower in the distance. On top of it all, Inasuke, out of his love for the fluffy animals that starred in the film, had the bright idea to disguise himself and Urato as rats.

As displeased as Inasuke was at the state the City of Light had become, Urato was displeased tenfold. After a mission into a pastel-coloured universe of chubby animals, this was insult added to injury. That the DORKS on their RA for unknown reasons decided not to work that day, thus trapping the two in rat form for the entirety of the mission, was the icing on the cake. Urato-rat could only sit sulking in the shadow of a lamp post, while Inasuke-rat squeaked a barrage of complaints as the Words paraded ahead and blared part of the song Fathoms Below from Disney's The Little Mermaid at one point.

"Goodness me, there are no goddesses or fairies in Ratatouille-verse! Charge for unnecessary song lyrics! Besides, a human girl falling in love with a rat, this is wrong on multiple levels. This is a Disney movie! This fic should at least have a mature content warning!" Inasuke ranted for a moment while a female blue fairy was flying around the city of Paris, flying over the Seine river, over the Eiffel Tower, and past the Louvre.

"Ya got time ta worry 'bout all o' dat?" Urato said. "Da DORKS is broken! We're gunna be stuck as rats even when we're home!"

"The DORKS will be fine with one trip to the DoSAT, but this damage on canon is a pretty big deal! Which one is more important?" Inasuke said, making Urato look even more down.

"Sumbody help me." he groaned.

The sound of footsteps running and fast panting was heard as a young teenage girl was running as she stopped and looked around as she ran through an alley.

In came Kelly the Sue running through the streets in a bout of terrible animation, while the disembodied voice of a woman yelled at her to come back. Unbeknownst to the Sue, two rats were cringing and squeaking at her – her appearance, as faithfully rendered by the Word World, was beyond difficult to look at: Kelly was a fragile teenager with teal hair with sea blue streak highlights, with a flawless complexion, hazel eyes, soft ruby lips, and a slim body from malnutrition.

"Tell me again what any of this nonsense has to do with Ratatouille," Inasuke quipped.

"Tell me 'gain why Imma along on dis bullshit," Urato answered.

The duo had fast established a routine, even though this was merely their second mission. Inasuke would whinge incessantly about whatever horror that was inflicted upon whatever visually pleasing, adorable canon it was, while Urato would quietly write down most of what he said and be grouchy all the while. Unnatural hair colour, stupid description, looking good from malnutrition, ridiculously melodramatic OC backstory, Inasuke went on a squeaky tirade while Urato could only occasionally protest at him to slow down.

Then something happened.

As the Sue had a melodramatic musing moment on a random rooftop about how over-the-top abusive her mother was and how she wanted a boyfriend, she was joined by a woman named Emily, who apparently was her sister. After an exchange about their life, in which the abusive mother issue was rehashed again and the Sue declared she wanted to follow my heart and get myself a man even if I have to wait for a million years! And the family and you by my side, I can find my one true love, he's out there and I will find him, the scene changed and dropped the agents…

… into a dark, enclosed space cluttered with unknown objects.

"Damn, ain't today shitty 'nuff?" Urato grumbled, having just wiggled out from under a flat leathery object resembling a giant wallet. Inasuke, after kicking off a giant tube of lip gloss, thrashed around for a moment against the walls of fabric enclosing him before finally managing to climb up for air.

He discovered, to his horror, that he and Urato had in fact been thrown into a woman's handbag by the scene change. Urato had just poked his head out in time to witness the appearance of a mysterious figure in a black cloak who was soon revealed to be a teenage girl with raven hair. In a confusing sequence, the mysterious figure answered a phone call thus, "Your goddess, I found the sister of that girl and she wishes along with her family to overthrow their leader," thus confirming the bag-carrying woman to be Emily, and vanished, leaving Emily just as dumbfounded as the agents were.

Then she noticed two rats in her handbag.

The alley was shaken by a blood-curdling shriek. The woman tried throwing the two intruders out of her bag for dear life, swinging it wildly, throwing it to the ground, but none helped. Her outburst only stopped when the agents managed to cling to her dress and Inasuke cried, "Please stop, I'm begging you!"

The woman's body seized and her mouth fell agape.

"Did these rats just talk to me? Talking rats. Honest-to-god talking rats. They're talking to me. I'm talking to rats. I understand them. My god, I'm certifiably insane," she babbled, too shocked to move even as the agents climbed up to her shoulder.

"Miss, please calm down. We mean no harm," Inasuke continued. "You don't seem to pose any danger to the world of Ratatouille, so we're sparing you."

The woman, while still couldn't understand anything transpiring, seemingly calmed down enough to explain, "I just wanted to ask for directions. Then I somehow ended up on a roof calling a woman I don't know my sister, then I saw some weird person in a black cloak disappearing, and now I'm talking to rats. Was there something in the coffee I drank for breakfast?"

"We ain't rats, we're human. 'S causa dis idiot dat we're stuck as rats," Urato said before Inasuke smacked his face. Then, an idea occurred to the latter.

"You see, we need to do something very important involving that woman you called your sister," Inasuke said. "If you don't mind, would you help us out, Ms…"

"Beauchamp. I'm Émilie Beauchamp," she replied, somewhat moved by the "adorable little critter" look Inasuke was giving her. "Sure, I think. Today has been such a weird day."

"'Ndeed it is," Urato grumbled.

(to be continued)