[MISSION] Of Axes and Haemoglobin

Inasuke continues his valiant hunt for a Vil mini, this time with a new partner.

Warning for in-fic objectionable content: constant references to gory imagery; forced bodily contact.

The fic, titled "The Descendent of the BLADE." belongs to Melted_me and they're welcome to keep or do anything with it.

The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.

Prologue

Drip... Drip... Drip... Blood dripping down from someone's head. This person looked down in what seems like an emotionless state. A big sadistic smile had covered ones face. From what he can see, he seems to be enjoying the view as the sun sets on another eventful day.

What did I do to deserve this fate?

Inasuke internally lamented. Such was the fate of being subjected to narrative laws of comedy: right after a lovely mission with Momoka, that damnable doorway of his RC trapped him with the last person he wanted to be trapped with. It was hell on earth: a boundless glose void and badfic text read aloud all around him, that long-haired makeup-happy botchan scum shouting incensed gibberish next to him.

"Charge for needless gore imagery! Charge for idiotic Fangirl Japanese name! Goodness me, this fic is borderline R18G with all these constant mentions of blood, yet it doesn't have any content warning about this?"

Inasuke glanced down at the band of mini-Overblots – savanclaw, Duece, Trien, Crewley – spawned from the tags and the profile chapter dedicated to the Diasomnia fairy Stu named Raijin Chisuke. At least the fic had provided a decent number of minis; put up with the madness a mite more and he might just get his long-coveted mini of Vil.

Chapter 1 - Prologue Pt. 2

Once again, Inasuke found himself having to go through the entrance ceremony scene from the game's prologue. Disguised in ceremonial dress, the agents hid themselves in the crowd, bathed in the glow of magical torches, surrounded by a procession of floating coffins.

As Inasuke noted down generally bad English, Kaguya was still grumbling non-stop in that speech he couldn't make out one word of. New mini Malleus room curled up atop Inasuke's head; the only thing preventing him from breaking into rage was the presence of canon characters in the vicinity. How very unlike the mission he just had with Momoka – same scene, same environment, but whereas he could chatter away his irritation with her, he and Kaguya couldn't even speak to one another, their negativity brewing within them.

[Lilia Vanrouge (CV: G̶u̶r̶i̶r̶i̶b̶a̶ Midorikawa Hikaru. I swear, this person is everywhere). Canon, male fairy, magic user. OOC level: ZOMG PROTECT SMOL BAT DADDY OR HE'LL GET OFFED BY THE STU]

Inasuke had just snapped his disguised CAD in half to stop it from overheating when, just as it predicted, Raijin the Stu came barging in and Lilia reacted by sweating bullets down his face – perspiring literal firearm ammunition that went clattering to the floor.

However, we were interrupted by the doors opening and seems to be the young blood god. I (Crowley) was about to talk to him when I realised his intention. I just faded away when I realised that the 'enemy' just happened to be Mr. Vanrouge. I then saw that he had his axe. Wait he has a what! AN AXE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"How is this funny? Is not having your favourite food something to try to kill someone over? Charge for attempted murder of a canon character!" Kaguya exclaimed, while Inasuke noted intentionally endangering other people's lives, including canons', all while trying to swat Crowley POV and Diasomia off his arm.

I (Crowley) have graciously removed the arrow that had pierced me and tried to continue with a straight face.

"Seriously, physically assaulting the headmaster too? Why isn't this abhorrent troglodyte expelled yet?" Kaguya continued, while Inasuke wrote making Crowley call him a god. Alas, the mission would turn unbearable fast if this continued: horrifying Stu antics ahead, an incomprehensible partner by his side, a host of minis none of which he was looking for. To spare his sanity, he portalled himself, Kaguya and the minis past two chapters.

🌹💘 Pt. 1

Raijin POV: Great i have woken up to that annoying mint alarm clock. What was his name again... Zebek... No no no it was... Sebek. That was it! Sebek. He, I guess woke me up and it was definitely not a welcoming morning. God I wish I didn't destroy all the alarm clock in my room.

Kaguya was not amused by Sebek Zigvolt's transformation into a mint-leaf-shaped alarm clock.

While he ranted and raved, Inasuke stared, with no negligible amount of resentment, at his sempai in Pomefiore dorm dress. Easily mistakable for a woman at first glance, Kaguya was clad in the dorm's purple knee-length kimono-like garb, but the fancy bow knot of his black obi-inspired sash was tied in front, no doubt due to the length of his hair. Why, Inasuke wondered, the disguise generator must sort Kaguya into Pomefiore; of all the dorms to associate him with, it had to be that of his all-time hero. Certainly, there wasn't a better choice of dorms for a beauty-conscious pretty boy, but the thought of the botchan scum donning the same colours and designs as Vil Schoenheit made Inasuke die a little inside.

Speaking of Vil, all he received from the chapter skip was Riddle Rosehearts POV to add to the collection, and still no Vil mini in sight.

The entire universe seemingly was conspiring against poor Inasuke for the entirety of the mission, not helped by the chain of madness that followed:

Alar- Sebek POV: I saw that Raijin-sama wasn't wearing his uniform properly! I want him to shine through the crowd and show how all mighty he is! I quickly fixed his uniform though it was difficult as he is another 10cm higher than me. But that didn't matter as long as it was smart it was all good. Raijin-sama must be respected.

The Stu's being treated as though he was Malleus, and Sebek POV now trying to snatch the rabbit pin off Inasuke's hair.

A sudden scene change and the Stu's constant referring to Ace, Deuce and Grim as twats.

A needless recap of the game's prologue, the appearance of heartslabyul dormity, and the following behaviour from the Stu toward Riddle Rosehearts:

I bring Ruby boy near his bed. I sit down before engulfing Ruby into my arms. I tried to make him comfortable for him drew circles on his back. Even though he didn't want me to do that, I continued doing that. He eventually gave up and let me finish. He had seemed to calm down to a calmer state.

"Argh! That is it! I can't take it anymore! Are you all trying to drive me insane?" Inasuke shouted, thus gaining him the attention of the Stu and the canon. "An insufferable partner, gratingly bad narration, one of the most annoying Gary Stus I've ever seen, and not a single Vil mini in sight! Mission over; Raijin the Stu, the Protectors of the Plot Continuum arrest you right now, because even the Buddha can only be bothered three times! You're guilty of…"

"… constant gore references without a disturbing content warning; having a moronic Fangirl Japanese name; assault and attempted murder of canon characters, namely Lilia Vanrouge and Dire Crowley," Kaguya cut in before he could read the charges. This annoyed Inasuke to no end.

"Making other people call you a god; bad English; boring narration," Inasuke interrupted in return. Spending the whole mission incomprehensible and uncommunicable only to turn normal at the last minute and stealing his climactic moment, there was no way Inasuke would take this sitting down. "Intentionally threatening the lives of other students for petty reasons, yet never called out on it; brainwashing Riddle and literally forcing him to like you; creating way too many minis; being a Gary Stu; and most importantly causing a PPC agent to be sent on the worst mission ever! For this, you're sentenced to immediate death!"

Kaguya just stared at him, eyes wide. What a scum inside and out, Inasuke thought. Bugging him out of his wits then acting like nothing happened, he wondered how his other sempai could put up with this man.

The Stu met his end when an unamused Riddle Rosehearts treated him to a dose of Off with Your Head, then he was portalled into the sea to drown. The mission was a success, Riddle was neuralyzed, the agents and minis were safely in the Headquarters, and Inasuke was tired, annoyed, and had still yet to find a Vil mini.

Minis (all up for adoption):

savanclaw
Duece
Trien
Crewley
Malleus room
Crowley POV
Diasomia
Riddle Rosehearts POV
Sebek POV
heartslabyul dormity

[MISSION] Of Axes and Haemoglobin

Prologue

Chapter 1 - Prologue Pt. 2

🌹💘 Pt. 1

Minis (all up for adoption):

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