[INTERLUDE] All You Gotta Do

Kaguya's first birthday in the PPC. Set Jun 21, 2022, before Twisted Wonderland missions.

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Just Dance belongs to Ubisoft. The song "Swish Swish", performed by Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj, belongs to Capitol Records.

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Kaguya was in no mood to play games that afternoon. That alone wasn't strange news to Momoka – some days he preferred reading books, folding paper, practicing his tea ceremony skills, or trying his hand at poetry. That one day however, he did none of those things.

Momoka slid open the door to the second room to a sight that made her drop the stack of clean laundry in her hands to the floor. Her master was, to put it charitably, slightly less dignified than usual: striking odd poses, flailing his limbs awkwardly, falling over several times, until his maid came in and startled him, then he stiffened and flushed bright red.

"I… I'm terribly sorry," Momoka stuttered, crouching down to pick up the laundry scattered all over the floor. "I'll leave right this instant."

"It's okay," Kaguya said, rushing over to pick up the clothes with her. "You don't have to leave. Nothing happened, I'm honest. I assure you, I wasn't doing anything. You saw nothing."

He clammed up immediately once he realized he was babbling, face even redder; he indeed was behaving very oddly, nothing like the mild-mannered botchan he usually was. After a moment of awkward silence, Momoka asked, "… was it because of Urato-kun?"

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Kaguya exhibited such behaviour that day not without a reason. To explain why, the formless narrator shall rewind to the morning of that same day, June 21 – the date the Reality Room assigned to Tomiyama Urato as his birthday.

Normally, this wouldn't have bothered him. However, due to the almighty powers of narrative laws of comedy, the day happened to be the exact same as the birthday of his arch-enemy, Hazama Kaguya. (Inasuke was given a slightly less annoying one: September 23, the day after Momoka's.) Naturally, that lead to much headache for Momoka and Inasuke, as they had to decide according to whose preference should the double birthday be celebrated.

A breathless, gripping rock-paper-scissors match later, Urato emerged victorious.

"I'm sure it will be fun," Momoka reassured her irritated master, unaware of the Ironic Overpower above. Sure enough, Urato's idea of a birthday celebration was not a party or even a cake; amidst the looks of everyone else in the HQ Lounge, the Four Demonly Kings, at Urato's behest, gathered in front of the TV placed there to play Just Dance.

Swish swish bish, another one in the basket…

"Ura-chan, you jerk! Are you trying to kill us?" Inasuke whined, barely able to sit up. Expectedly, at the end of a difficult four-person routine heavily inspired by the vogue, only Urato was left standing and scoring a decent number of points. The rest, nowhere near as athletic or experienced in the game as he was, all found themselves repeatedly hitting each other and finally undignifiedly toppled to the floor groaning, with only Kaguya able to crawl up and whip out his compact mirror.

"One helluva birthday, ain't it?" Urato said smugly to Kaguya amidst the cheers and applause of spectators. "Howdya feel bein' defeated on yer birthday?"

"I'm not keen on answering stupid questions," Kaguya said, not bothering to turn around and face his arch-enemy, clapping his mirror shut as loudly as he could.

"C'mon, innit obvious? Ev'rybody's cheerin' fer me, not yeh. I won n' will continue to win against ya, Guyatchi. Hazama Kaguya. Munehisa-sensei. Lipstick prince. Vermilion Bird of the tea ceremony club," Urato continued. "Yer hot, I ain't deny, but sadly ain't stayin' hot fer long. Time's changed, nobody likes friggin' tea ceremonists n' borin' yamato nadeshiko types anymore. People need guys who can have fun, who can bust out da moves n' liven up a party, who doesn't bore people outta deir ass. I ain't beautiful like ya, but I'll leave ya in da dust. Anyway, happy birthday, man."

"You…!"

Momoka had never heard the word anta come out of her master's mouth with such trembling anger. Urato was the first and only person Kaguya deigned the second-person pronoun anta – a dubious honour not even granted to his old high school rival, the Azure Dragon of the drama club – but this was something different. After the group played and embarrassingly lost to Urato for several more levels, they returned to their RCs, Urato still basking in the glory while Kaguya was sore to the high heavens, consoled by his maid all the way.

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"That I'd lose to that boorish idiot! As if I'll ever take that sitting down!" Kaguya said, clenching his fist. "Oh, I'll be sure to beat him at his own game; let's see if he keeps calling me boring then!"

Momoka, herself irked that her master was humiliated on his birthday, asked, "Should I go have a word with Urato-kun?"

Kaguya stopped her. Then, all too unexpectedly, he asked, "Do you know what school of tea ceremony I studied?"

Momoka was confused. "Urasenke, isn't it?"

"And what are its core values? Why is it the most popular and widely taught school, within and outside of Japan?"

Momoka couldn't answer, leading him to continue, "It adapts to the times, while still retaining its traditional roots. It wouldn't be very becoming of me to study this school and fail to abide by its spirit. By all means, I have to defeat Tomiyama; I must show him that a yamato nadeshiko is not boring, can still liven up a party, and will not be left in the dust."

Momoka knew nothing to say.