[MISSION] Of Jumbled Storytelling Orders and Historical Aberrations (pt. 2)

Warning for in-fic objectionable content: glorified physical and mental abuse, with one instance bordering on psychological torture; glorified war crime; acephobia. The writer of this post does not endorse the content and views put forth by the work of fiction being parodied in it. Additional warning for mild swearing.

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Disclaimers are the same as in the previous part, but with the addition that Ishitani Kōga also belongs to the writer of this blog.

The following text is a work of parody/satire that contains literary analysis.

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Momoka had too many questions, none of which Ishitani seemed willing to entertain. Who he was, why he had the Bag of Holding, where Kaguya was and what he possibly did to him. This man was suspicious in and out, and Momoka couldn't bring herself to walk one step closer to him.

"Charge," Ishitani suddenly said in a raised voice.

"What?" Momoka asked.

"Didn't you hear me? I said charge!" Ishitani said even louder. "For making potential saniwa come from the future, some from the past without being targeted by the Kebiishi for damaging the timestream!"

Momoka only managed to pick up the pencil and notebook when Ishitani resumed shouting, "And for claiming to look like Kashū Kiyomitsu!"

The tip of the pencil just touched the paper. "And for hanging around in 2205 while being the sodding granddaughter of Yūki Harutomo! How can someone cause this much damage to history and still cavort around the world of TouRabu? Once I get my hands on her, I'll…"

"Alright, will you stop that?" Momoka cried and stormed up to him. She'd had enough. "What rights do you have to show up and yell at me? You haven't even told me where Kaguya-sama is…"

Rather than replying, Ishitani calmly pushed her away, out of the path of four falling tildes used as a divider.

Momoka fully intended to punch the jerk's face, but he quickly got hold of the RA and portalled themselves into the next chapter.

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Honmaru 2

This Ishitani person was growing more terrifying by the minute. How did he know TouRabu canon? How did he know PPC procedure? How to use PPC technology? Momoka forgot she was supposed to watch the fic; as the two stood outside a slightly slid open door to the saniwa's room, she couldn't help but keep staring warily at the stranger.

That was until Ishitani forcibly turned her head, making her look at the fic events ahead.

She got mad, furiously asked him, "You don't even remember me? I can't believe you." He came to his senses, "Kishimoto-sama!!?" Takara squinted angrily at him, "Don't call me Kishimoto-sama, Dammit! That's my father! You don't even know my name after I took care of you?! " He replied, "Sorry, Aruji! I had no idea! I do know that you're that man's descendant! It was an honest mistake!" She backfired, "Honest mistake my ass. Descendant he says... do You even hear yourself? Why can't you be as formidable as this Hasebe guy is. "

Momoka was speechless. She didn't know what to make of Takara's berating and insulting a newly manifested Otegine for no clear reason. "What the…" she uttered, aghast. "What do you have against Gine?"

"Exactly!" Ishitani replied. "Yūki Harutomo and his family died five centuries ago! Of course he's not gonna expect you to show up alive in 2205! Besides, who on earth do you think you are? Thinkin' yourself all high and mighty, yelling at innocent Gine who's just manifested! Hurry up, charge for disrupting history and being a total bitch!"

"You don't have to tell me," said Momoka, teeth gnashing. pencil pressed so hard against the paper it nearly tore the page. No one treated an attractive male character badly in front of her and got away with it.

Sadly, this lasted for all of five seconds before Momoka realized she was agreeing a bit too much with a suspicious stranger, and she changed back to her old tune. "Wait a minute! Why should I cooperate with you? Don't think I'll ever forgive you for kidnapping Kaguya-sama!"

Ishitani answered her with a few button presses on the RA and a portal that took them forward in the chapter.

She wasn't allowed time to get annoyed; the narration had taken on a faster pace that blew at her like a strong storm as soon as the two emerged from the portal onto a Citadel hallway, recapping the weeks since Otegine's arrival. Apparently, Otegine wanted and tried hard to inspire some sort of positive attention from his Sue master only to be met with her unflinchingly unpleasant attitude every time. He was predictably sick of it and let it slip that he wanted to be in battle at least once.

Takara, although inside her office, heard him whine and got so angry, she torn off a scroll. She stomped angrily and went to Otegine.

Momoka heard beeping that grew rapidly into an ear-piercing shriek. Sure enough, next to her, Ishitani was working the CAD, whose temperature was building and reading growing more and more erratic.

[Otegine. Canon, male tsukumogami, touken danshi of yari. OOC level: HOLY SHIT SOMEONE SAVE THIS POOR SOUL. GIVE HIM A BLANKET AND HOT COCOA AND TAKE HIM AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER OF A SUE ASDF1341@#%$%@%]

"They really weren't joking when they said this stuff hates its user," Ishitani muttered, shoving the smoking device into the Bag while waving a hand to dispel the noxious odour.

This man was, without a speckle of doubt, as suspicious as ever.

Momoka however had her attention taken by something else. Without the screen and the Vídeo Brinquedo quality of the introduction chapter, the full extent of the Sue's nastiness was displayed in all its ghastly glory. Oh, what unfathomable mass of wretched horror one Sue must have in place of a heart to refer to enemy tantō as fishbone enemy and imply that they were easy while they were in fact one of the most frightening enemies later in the game, especially in nighttime battles and certain events, among other atrocities.

"I am not a loser! I AM one of the great spears of Japan! And just because you're my master, you can't treat me like this!"

Even as Takara continued to be needlessly hostile and continued to insult and berate Otegine, charmingly calling him a loser and a scared puppy, his act of defiance finally cut the CAD's shrieking and the smell it was emitting. Ishitani was relieved.

… for not even longer than a blink before Takara, unarmed, easily knocked out armed Otegine with a single punch. The CAD was unleashing a noise that defied description, a sound more eldritch than any creature of H. P. Lovecraft's imagination, so much so that Ishitani had to portal himself and Momoka into the next scene for fear of being discovered by the Sue.

"You sure get along well with Otegine. " Uguisumaru said.

A smell rather like hydrogen sulfide and orc excrement mixed with Axe, only several magnitudes worse, wafted out of the Bag.

"Why do you act like this towards him, Aruji? Do you have feelings for him? Is that your way of showing you like him? Are you afraid that your feelings would be turned down?" Uguisumaru asked.

A muffled exploding noise, followed by smoke leaking out and forming letters that read "FUCK THE SUE".

"...Why is it that you ask such. I don't like him. Actually, I don't like anyone. I mean, no one at all. I am not attracted to men. " Takara answered. He gasped, "You're a lesbian? I had no idea you're into those things..." "What?! I'm not lesbian! I'm asexual! " Takara exclaimed.

Both Ishitani and Momoka had to restrain themselves from just jumping on the Sue and bashing her head in.

Throughout this parade of torment, eight tildes, courtesy of two dividers, were fired at them like fireworks.

Momoka decided: the Sue was going down. And so would this Ishitani man afterwards.

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Chapter 1

After three chapters of continuous chaos, this backstory chapter was strangely idyllic – but not before disorienting and eventually toppling the two to the ground from a seriously mangled timeline and massacring of history. "What the heck do you mean by the past?" Ishitani, face down against generic grass, slurred as if drunk. "What sodding year are we in? What era? You still owe us an explanation as to how the Kebiishi are okay with Yūki Harutomo's granddaughter moving to 2205!"

Momoka didn't reply, nor did she heed him; she no longer knew how to react at anything happening around her. She sat on the grass blankly watching the Sue's childhood play out before her: something about her being a palace lady, something about dropping a teru-teru bōzu doll into a pond in the middle of playing and meeting a boy named Hajime who jumped into said pond to fetch the doll for her. Faced with boring events, feelings of despair began to well up in Momoka again: her partner-cum-master, she remembered, was still missing, stripped of equipment, likely still bound and unable to move. She clenched her fist; there was nothing left she could do.

Ishitani found himself jerked up into a sitting position and the tip of a kitchen knife touching his throat.

"You're not running away this time, bastard," Momoka said, trying to be as intimidating as a giant fluffy animal mascot could be. "Tell me where Kaguya-sama is right now, or…"

Ishitani didn't seem scared, nor did he make any effort at defending himself from the blade at his throat, but he knew there was no evading the issue this time. "This Kaguya person," he said calmly. "is he that important to you?"

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Barely holding back her seething rage, Momoka said through clenched teeth, "He and his family are my saviours. Without the Hazama's generosity, I would've eventually become broke and homeless, high school would've been a luxury. I have sworn loyalty to them and to Kaguya-sama most of all. I'm eternally indebted to him; should anything happen to him, I…"

She soon failed to stop the tears that began streaming down her fur-coated face. Ishitani was rendered speechless, staring blankly at her. It was not until a while later that he said, "Look, I still can't help you find him, but there's one thing I'm positive…"

Momoka bit back her tears.

"… he would never treat you like the Mary Sue treats Otegine."

(to be continued)